Subscribe to Candid Magazine

Garrett Millerick: A Selection of Things I’ve Said To Taxi Drivers

August 27, 2015

TheatreUncategorized | by Harry Seymour

Candid Magazine caught up with Garrett Millerick at Edinburgh Fringe, to see his latest show A Selection of Things I’ve Said to Taxi Drivers. Here is what he had to say about the show, the festival, and being funny.


Candid Magazine: Tell us a little about your show and why people should see it?

Garrett Millerick: It’s ‘A Selection of Things I’ve Said to Taxi Drivers’. It’s the kind of life philosophy and observations that can only really be arrived at if you’ve spent as much time as I have riding around in cabs; getting down to the bare bones of life the universe and everything with Taxi Drivers. I should stress there is no mention of Taxi’s in the show. Which really irritated an elderly Scottish gentleman on the third night. Everyone seemed on-board for the show with the exception of this bloke. He came up after and said

‘What happened to the Taxis?’

‘Oh it’s a selection of things I’ve said to Taxi Drivers, not; an hour of taxi based jokes’

‘That’s a shame, I wanted taxis.’

‘Are you a taxi driver?’

‘No, I just like taxis.’

I like to think that man has been roaming the Fringe since 1972 looking for a taxi based show and thought he’d hit the mother load. He won’t be back to the fringe. The taste of bitter disappointment will remain in his mouth for some time to come. I’m from an irritatingly stable background so I don’t have much to work with, so I’ve had to dig deep – plastic bags, the elderly, pagers… that kind of thing.

CM: Your press materials mention that you’ve come second in just about every notable stand up competition over the last couple of years. How does it feel being championed as second best?

GM: My friend, and former writing partner, Tim was out serving in Afghanistan when I was doing the competitions. Upon his return he informed me that he was delighted that I didn’t win anything. He is of the opinion that the only thing that makes me funny is how close I come to achieving my dreams but just missing the mark. I’ve never won anything. I was a solid B student at school and I have, despite my best efforts, opportunity and encouragement, always failed to live up to expectations. If nothing else, I’m bloody consistent.

CM: Can people learn to be funny?

GM: No. You can train a talent, but you can’t ‘learn’ something you have no natural ability for. Brian Wilson once made a rap record, it’s called ‘Smart Girls’. Someone told Brian that anyone can rap. ‘Smart Girls’ was the result. To be fair, it’s bloody funny. So maybe I’m wrong.

CM: What is the art to telling a good joke?

GM: Never use two words where one would do.

CM: What are you sick of interviewers asking you about?

GM: Taxis.

CM: Have you ever stolen a joke?

GM: No. Good jokes are inseparable from their creators. You can’t really steal a decent gag… they all have a DNA stamp. If I was ram-raiding the comedy warehouse, I’d probably steal all the one-liners and puns. I can’t write one liners or puns for toffee. I’d probably grab an arm full of Fern Brady’s stuff, some Phil Wang, a good deal of Pierre Novellie and a couple of boxes of Alfie Brown while I was at it.

Garrett’s show is full of witty observations, served with on-point timing. He comes across as someone who would be genuinely fun to be around because of his self-depreciating British-ness and grumpy outlook. We would give it four stars.

By Victoria Copeland

Garrett Millerick: A Selection of Things I’ve Said To Taxi Drivers at Underbelly Med Quad, from the 5th until the 30th of August